Yikes!

Why I Love Lisa Delson

First, I got this email:

Josh,
So I heeded your advice about downloading the podcast of Harry and Ziva and now I'm listening them read your blog. It's really funny. I also had a dream about you last night, that you had really long gross jerry curl hair in a ponytail (think Ice Cube in Law and Order). It was very disturbing, but I think we did fun stuff in the dream, meaning we were walking around Israel. So if you are thinking about growing your hair really long....DON'T. I don't know why in hell I would have dreamt that, but there is it. Shabbat Shalom.

Love, Lisa

Then, I got this one:

It was Ice-T from Law and Order not Ice Cube from Friday. I just wanted you to know that I know the difference.

Lisa

Yeah.

Etrogim Are Useful

Harry and Ziva mentioned etrogim in this week's podcast. According to them, the funny yellow citrons are only useful for Sukkot, jam, and magic illness-curing potions.

Of course, many of us (thanks, Daryn) know that etrogim are also useful for making Etrog-flavored vodka. Here's the recipe, courtesy Rabbi Gingi (master of animal husbandry), who let us put it in last year's Year-in-Israel cookbook.

Dick Israel’s z”l Etrog Liquor Recipe

Ingredients:
Up to 3 etrogs
3 cup vodka
1.5 cup superfine sugar

Instructions:
Wash etrogim
Peel only yellow portion
Place peel in 4 cup jar and add 2 cups vodka
Store in a cool, dark place for a minimum of 48 hours
Remove peel and discard (or dry the peels and use in a cake that needs citron)
Add 1.5 cups sugar
Stir until clear
Add one more cup vodka and stir until clear
Close and keep in dark for about 6 weeks
You will have a bright yellow color and sweet flavor with a distinctive strong aroma.

Dog Testicles & Other Yummy Things to Munch On

Strangest Single Sentence Ever E-mailed to Me:

"I have to confess I stumbled on your site because I was looking for pictures of pug testicles..."

I occasionally get strange e-mail from people who found my blog on the internet. Also, quite a few people misunderstood that Gizmo, a dog mentioned here several times (and who has his own photo album) is not my dog. He's Marc's dog. Occasionally, I get an e-mail from someone who assumes I'm a pug owner, and that i must be interested in the craziness that is dog ownership.

I just wanted to tell you that your pug is very adorable, and that I loved him in his angel wings and halo. I have two new pug puppies myself; one black male, one fawn female. I have to confess I stumbled on your site because I was looking for pictures of pug testicles so I could compare them to my little boy. I am starting to freak because I think he might have Cryptorchidism just today after I bought him a female to breed him with on friday!! He is going to be five months on the 27th of this month, and it seems to me that he has either a really tiny one or none at all. Sorry about the email, I just needed to vent and my hubby would not be happy if I woke him up in the middle of the night to talk about dog parts....lol.

Thanks for listening,

Desiree

That's the first e-mail I've ever received concerning the important topic of dog testicles.

Do you know Joel Grishaver?

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Random Crap & This Week's Mail

Mike and I cleaned the apartment last night (and Esther helped a lot). Our kitchen was overrun by suds at 2:30 a.m. when I loaded the dishwasher and ran it, not noticing that one of the dishes was covered in Dawn dish soap. Note to self: Don't let any Dawn get in the dishwasher. Knee-high suds will result. Anyway, maids came today, since Aunt Dava is coming this weekend.

I have a whole bunch of week-old (and older!) e-mails I have to reply to, and I'm really too tired and my brain is too fried to reply to any of them individually. But none of them are particularly private, so I'm hereby inaugurating a new feature here on my blog: Josh's Mailbag.

1. Michael S. Fitzgerald Jr., one of the only decent and upright people to ever graduate with degree in religion from Ripon College, wrote me to say hi and see how things are going. He graduated in May, is teaching in the greater-Ripon-area, and is gearing up to go to South America with the Peace Corps in January.

   Mike, I'm doing okay. My back hurts every day. My dad likes to yell at me. I'm broke. There's too much traffic in LA. But overall, I can't really complain because I have a pretty cool job and a beautiful and intelligent girlfriend who sometimes laughs at my jokes, the Giants are not in the World Series, and I sleep in a warm bed every night with a full stomach. I'm sorry I didn't make it to Ripon for Homecoming, and I hope to get back before January so we can have a beer and reminisce about Viola.

2. Travis Parker e-mailed me because he thought "it is time that the discussion [about the RC Student Senate] moved away from the public arena." Well Travis, I think all talk about Student Senate should be in a public arena, because, well, you make very public decisions. Democracy needs to happen out in the open.

   That being said, I've grown tired of this entire thing. If the Ripon College Student Senate wants to make stupid decisions and drive themselves into the ground, well, as the great Bobby Brown once said, that's their perogative. It's clear that few of them listened to what Jake and I had to say. Most of them said, "No, Jake and Josh, you just don't understand."

   No, Travis and Co., you don't understand, but I'm just not in the mood to explain right now. It all just boils down to this: I'm right and most of you are wrong. Deal.

   Oh yeah, and all of you (with the exception of Cady, who said flattering things to me, and on some days Elgersma and Alice, who can occasionally be right) are spineless little dweebs whose tiny half-brains can only comprehend the side of a story that's sitting right in front of you. The liberal arts have failed you, folks, because you're allowing yourself to be led like sheep following a, uh, sheepdog.

3. Julian Becker, you are apparently the only sane and intelligent person at Ripon College today, except for maybe Dr. Smith, the senators who I paranthetically mentioned above, and Paul Stinson.

   [It should be noted here that I strongly believe that Ripon College's sanity went to shit when Kris Okimoto and Tarik Lebbadi (and maybe Alberto Recalde) left. Those guys held everything together.]

   Anyway, Julian, I like you because you can make an intelligent argument that goes past "you're wrong because you weren't there," because you can throw around phrases like lashon ha ra (are you my Hebraic successor at Ripon College? Holy lobster and pork loin smothered in cheese, Batman!), because you understand the way Ripon works, and because you have the same last name as my 7th grade drama teacher who claimed to be an extra in the Porky's shower scene.

4. Phil, I'm not turning my back on the fruit. I just have no choice but to use a craptastic Wintel box at work, and so it's nice to have at least one decent app on my office machine.

   However, if you are at all worried about me turning my back on the fruit, you should buy me a new G5 and an iPod. It's the least you can do after bringing up certain painful memories of mine in one of your first blog posts. Bastard.

   Oh yeah, and call me when you're sober for once, numbnuts.

5. Cousin/Uncle Bob:

   Thanks for your concern. I have seen this, and, though my life as a bald and toothless naturalist was quite rewarding and fulfilling, my second life as a short Mac-using Dodger fan is working out okay.

   By the way, Meier Rosenberg says hi.

6. Ofer, thanks for e-mailing. It's been a while. I hope everything's cool with you. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write back. I'm sorry to say that I'm no longer in touch with any of the Habonim folks, mostly because I was a giant prick seven years ago. Long story, I'll tell you later. Stay safe, and write me back telling me what's going on with you.

7. Gina, I'm glad they have coffee carts in Oregon.